Day 0
I feel the challenge puts me slightly outside of my comfort zone. As someone who is a very indoorsy person, it feels a little outside of my ordinary routine. If I am waking in nature, it’s usually to go somewhere. And, those walks are very peaceful too. Sometimes I am listening to music, or sometimes it’s just me and the environment. I don’t think I have walked without a goal of getting somewhere in a long time. And that feels difficult in this day and time, and also specifically this phase of my life as a Super Senior Feb, where I am flooded with job search and other post-undergrad responsibilities. Firstly, because I feel the need to be productive as much of the time as possible. Therefore, taking a break feels abnormal. And secondly, I fear that I may have to face my thoughts and sit with my feelings in such heavily responsible times. It is an uncomfortable feeling to sit with thoughts that make me truly question and reflect on my journey. Often in the past, I have had a lot of emotional difficulty with walking and spending time in nature, sometimes even with my music, but mainly when there is no noise or external stimulation to drown out my thoughts and feelings! Having said that, spending time in nature has also made me reflect on the bigger things in life and feel at ease by observing the environment and the world that exists beyond me. It fills me up with gratitude and serenity! To sum it up, my experience with nature brings up some big feelings!
And my personal goal around this challenge is to address the “framing” that holds me back from spending time in nature. I can turn to avoidance very quickly to avoid feelings and thoughts, and usually that includes digital devices. My goal is to approach this challenge like Meditation– it’s very difficult at first, but with practice, you start reaping the benefits! I am hoping to transform my relationship with my feelings and thoughts, and the approach I take to deal with them. And eventually, I am hoping that my relationship with Nature will also change, when I associate it as “challenging yet transformative and rewarding”.
Here are my policies with the challenge:
- Try to spend time in nature as possible by myself as possible. On days that it feels absolutely hard to be alone with my thoughts and feelings, complete it with a friend.
- Even on days that feel tough, try to push myself to start with 10-15 minutes of the challenge, and eventually increase it to as much as possible. Usually, this works because starting tasks always feels difficult until you get into it!
- And on a day I happen to miss it, I still keep going the next day, without overthinking it and beating myself up about it!
- For safety, I want to have my phone with me at all times! I will not use it to make calls or texts, only for emergencies or to inform a friend about my location.
- I can use it to listen to music rarely, but the major part is to immerse myself in a sensory experience with nature!
- I can use apps to help identify new flora and fauna, and nurture my curiosity to learn something new!
- Being Away- Extent- Fascination- Compatibility.
I also want to acknowledge that this is a document in progress, and I can always come back to it and shift my goals depending on my progress and circumstances. Yet, I will make sure that I push myself into my stretch zone and give my best effort at making progress!
Day 1
The Knoll
I ventured to the Knoll on Day 1! It felt like an easier stretch outside my comfort zone, as it was also something we had during class time before. The familiarity with that experience felt right for the first walk of the challenge. I did a solo walk during the evening, without many people around. I decided not to use any technology, but I had my phone with me for emergency. Initially, the walk felt silent. I mostly heard cars zooming by on the highway and some whirling of the wind. I felt the breeze in my face and the air starting to get cooler. In the distance, I could hear muffled laughter and conversations. Although they were unclear, they felt comforting. Initially, I felt numb making the walk. Not feeling much of anything, because maybe I was expecting to feel at peace immediately, exactly how I want my meditation to feel. I continued walking with that feeling. The terrain shifted between the slightly grown out grass brushing my ankles and the sandy path filled with tiny pebbles slipping under my shoes.
Going up and down with that sensory experience of touch, kept me grounded, as I consciously treaded the experience of wanting to stick with the grass rather than the dusty road. I kept looking back at the campus growing further away. I turned my head several times, admiring the beautiful campus from a distance. It’s a special view that made me feel so grateful for the physical space that Middlebury College is based in. I noticed the foliage starting to peep in through the green still fresh from the summer. The flat turf farms surrounded by distant mountain ranges really tuck the campus in beautifully, away from the noise of the world. The peace and serenity eventually started seeping into my experience. And that’s when I realized, starting with the senses builds observation, which then builds appreciation. Nature brought me gratitude. Which then brought me peace and serenity. And this experience lies within me. Nature is a beautiful medium to meet that inner experience.
Day 8
Montpelier
Last weekend, I was in Montpelier visiting my host family. It was a beautiful sunny day, and I decided to go on a walk to the cemetery, located on top of a nearby hill. The walk to the cemetery began past the beautiful suburban houses, with huge backyards, some filled with hens or lambs. I wondered how fortunate the people living here are to have the opportunity to live in such a beautiful and clean place, surrounded by natural beauty all around. Then, as I started the uphill walk, the city beneath me started emerging. The downtown was entirely covered by tall, leaning, bushy trees. I could see the buildings peeping through the budding Fall foliage. In the distance, I could see only the magnificent mountain ranges surrounding me. The downtown suddenly seemed so small in comparison to the massive ranges and woods all around. It made me think about how tiny the urban human world is, that it is nearly invisible from the top of the hill. If a town that appears so big is indeed so tiny, then how tiny must I and my problems be?
Upon arriving at the cemetery, the view from the top was phenomenal! The view made the walk feel so rewarding! Small, colorful flowering plants gently touched a few tombstones. The woods all around brought peace. The relationship between the cemetery and nature acknowledged the cycle of life and the earth. After the walk through the cemetery, I found it challenging to descend the hill. Usually, heights and walking at inclined angles make me very anxious. I am not sure about the exact experience that triggered this anxiety. This made me deeply reflect, want to explore, and face my anxiety. Additionally, my foot is still healing from a relatively recent fracture, which also added to the discomfort. This reminded me of the healing that is yet to come, and the eagerness to heal, to be able to walk and explore painlessly, without any limitations! One of my goals is to reach the point where I can tread these experiences without feeling greatly physically challenged or feel too anxious during challenging explorations!
Day 15
Apple-Picking
I went apple-picking at the Stine Orchard. I was surrounded by a couple families, but it was mostly a quiet day. It was a bright, sunny and hot afternoon. I had never been apple-picking before, and since its my last Fall on campus in Vermont, I decided to give it a try. Usually I have to try very hard to get myself to engage in activities related to nature. But, my host sister invited me for the activity, and I am so glad she did! It has been one of my best Fall experiences! I never knew that so many apple varieties even existed! It was such a learning experience and a very rewarding one to be able to identify most apple varieties by the end! I learnt that honey-crisps were greenish-reddish, and northern stripes actually had literal stripes on them! That is something I had never taken notice of before! It was such an eye-opening experience! To be able to select and hand-pick my own apples felt so unique. I realized in that moment, that we never realize how food travels from the farms to our plates! I definitely had so much more appreciation for the food I had picked myself! In my dorm, whenever I pick up one of my hand-picked apples, I do so with so much attention and gratitude. There is a memory and experience attached to each one of them. Since, I picked one from each variety, I remember the different trees I picked them from, and the realizations I had in those moments of being able to identify the apple variety.
And, I feel so privileged and grateful to have had the experience of picking apples in orchards in Vermont during the Fall. I felt grateful for leaving my work and my room behind. I felt so clear-headed, free, and happy. Life felt so beautiful again, just by doing something so simple and native to human experience. I am always in awe of how much small amounts of time outside with nature can give so much perspective, lead to realizations, bring happiness, satisfaction, peace, and gratitude!
Day 22
Starry-less Night
It was starting to get quite dark outside when I decided to take an impromptu walk. I was initially going to head towards the knoll. However, I felt very uncomfortable and unsafe walking in the dark in a relatively isolated location. Trusting my intuition, I turned instead toward the Interfaith House. Having lived there before, the path felt familiar, and therefore a little safer. I’ve always found it interesting that when it’s dark and there is not much to look at the surroundings, I can always look up and get lost in the depth of the sky. However, unlike most days, the sky was cloudier and I could barely spot any stars. It felt disappointing at first, yet I kept walking, hoping to catch a glimpse of some. I observed how the moon seemed to be in its waning phase, not lighting up the sky as much. However, the dim light highlighted the lining of the clouds, revealing their shapes. As the breeze got stronger, the movement of the clouds increased, revealing the shy moon. It had been a while since I’d wandered past campus at night, and everything looked different. Quieter, slower, almost existential! Even without stars, the night sky invited me to reflect.
Even on a cloudy night as today, looking up at the night sky felt different. The lack of stars and brightness led me to notice the clouds, the moon, and the subtle light that remained. I thought to myself that maybe a starless sky isn’t so bad! It’s just different. And reminds me of different perspectives in my life!